Δεύτερος γάμος…

1204

Στις μέρες μας ζούμε τις δυσκολίες που αντιμετωπίζει ο θεσμός της οικογένειας είτε πρόκειται για τη δική μας οικογένεια είτε για τους γύρω μας. Οι καθημερινές πιέσεις είναι πολλές και κάποιες φορές αβάσταχτες, οι ηθικές αναστολές λιγότερες, οι απαιτήσεις μεγαλύτερες, οι γυναίκες πιο ανεξάρτητες, και συνέπεια όλων αυτών είναι να αυξάνεται ο αριθμός των διαζυγίων.

Ταυτόχρονα ωστόσο, αυξάνεται και ο αριθμός των οικογενειών που δημιουργούνται από ένα δεύτερο ή και έναν τρίτο γάμο, καθώς οι άνθρωποι διατηρούν σχεδόν πάντα την επιθυμία να κάνουν οικογένεια. Αυτή τη φορά όμως ελπίζουν ότι όλα θα εξελιχθούν πιο ομαλά και η εμπειρία τους από τον πρώτο γάμο θα είναι  αδιαμφισβήτητα πολύτιμη για την έκβαση του δεύτερου γάμου.  Και πραγματικά, είναι πιο πιθανό ένας δεύτερος γάμος να είναι πιο επιτυχημένος από τον πρώτο, ιδιαίτερα αν το άτομο που χώρισε προσπάθησε να καταλάβει γιατί οδηγήθηκε στο χωρισμό,  με αποτέλεσμα να γνωρίσει καλύτερα τον εαυτό του και να καταλάβει τι ζητάει και τι δε ζητάει από μία σχέση.

Επίσης, αν το άτομο αναλογιστεί και κατανοήσει τι δεν πήγε καλά στην προηγούμενη σχέση, θα μπορέσει να αντιμετωπίσει διαφορετικά τον καινούργιο σύντροφο.Όταν είναι κανείς έτοιμος να παντρευτεί ξανά, θα πρέπει πρώτα από όλα να ξεπεράσει τα συναισθηματικά προβλήματα που προκλήθηκαν από το πρώτο διαζύγιο, και να είναι σίγουρος και ξεκάθαρος για τους λόγους για τους οποίους επιθυμεί να παντρευτεί ξανά. Τις περισσότερες φορές μάλιστα, τα ζευγάρια σε δεύτερο γάμο είναι περισσότερο αποφασισμένα να δημιουργήσουν μια επιτυχημένη σχέση και να έχουν μια επιτυχημένη συζυγική και οικογενειακή ζωή ύστερα από ένα αποτυχημένο πρώτο γάμο. Ένας από τους λόγους για τους οποίους μπορεί να θέλει κανείς να προβεί σε δεύτερο γάμο είναι το ότι μπορεί να θέλει να είναι μαζί με τον άνθρωπο που αγαπά, ή γιατί έχει παιδιά και θέλει να τους δώσει μια νέα οικογένεια ή ακόμη διότι θέλει και άλλα παιδιά.

Το νέο ζευγάρι ωστόσο, παρά την αποφασιστικότητα που το διακρίνει, ενδέχεται να αντιμετωπίσει δυσκολίες και εμπόδια. Ένας δεύτερος γάμος συνήθως ακολουθείται από μια πληθώρα ειδικών καταστάσεων που πρέπει να διευθετηθούν. Συχνά, τα νέα προβλήματα δεν εξαρτώνται από το πόσο συμβιβαστικοί είναι οι δύο σύντροφοι μεταξύ τους, ειδικά όταν και οι δύο έχουν παιδιά από τον πρώτο τους γάμο. Μετά από το νέο γάμο λοιπόν, τα παιδιά καλούνται να ζήσουν με μια νέα οικογένεια διαφορετική από την πρώτη τους οικογένεια. Χρειάζεται μια περίοδος προσαρμογής και για τα παιδιά η περίοδος αυτή είναι μεγαλύτερη από ότι για το νέο ζευγάρι.

Για παράδειγμα, ένα συνηθισμένο πρόβλημα είναι οι περισσότερες και πιο σύνθετες σχέσεις που προκύπτουν στη νέα οικογένεια (τα παιδιά με τον πατέρα και τη μητέρα τους που έχουν χωρίσει, τον πατριό ή τη μητριά και τις δικές τους οικογένειες, με τους παππούδες και γιαγιάδες, με αδέλφια που θα γεννηθούν από το νέο γάμο).

Ένα επιπλέον πρόβλημα είναι η πίστη και η αφοσίωση στην καινούργια οικογένεια. Το ποιος ανήκει και το ποιος δεν ανήκει μπορεί να μην είναι σαφές και να ποικίλλει στο μυαλό των μελών της οικογένειας. Συμβαίνει συχνά, ιδιαίτερα τα παιδιά που ζουν με τον ένα φυσικό γονέα τους, να θεωρούν ότι ζουν όχι σε μια αλλά σε δύο οικογένειες και να νιώθουν τύψεις και ενοχές απέναντι στον απόντα φυσικό γονιό επειδή αγαπάνε τον πατριό ή τη  μητριά τους.

Στην ευρύτερη αυτή οικογενειακή κατάσταση τόσο το νέο ζευγάρι όσο και τα παιδιά από προηγούμενο γάμο, μπορούν να έχουν μια νέα καρποφόρα και εποικοδομητική εμπειρία. Eίναι καλό για τους νυν συντρόφους να συνειδητοποιήσουν ότι αναγκαία προϋπόθεση για την ισορροπία της δικής τους σχέσης είναι μία σχετικά ήρεμη και ομαλή σχέση με τους πρώην και ότι θα πρέπει να συνεισφέρουν όσο μπορούν σε αυτό. Όμως χρειάζεται προσπάθεια, ευαισθησία και θέληση για την καλύτερη δυνατή εξέλιξη και επιτυχία.

Δρ. Μαρίζα Χατζησταματίου, ψυχολόγος

463 ΣΧΟΛΙΑ

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